wait

The crack creates a warbled picture,
as the world goes on living, I feel a perpetual still ness. Yet it all moves out there.
The stream of white fluff, gracing the earth.
Awaiting the warmth to once again
give birth to life

As I wait.

Answers? There are none.
As streams of clear, life
Strains across my cheeks.

I can not fix.
I can not mend.
I can only wait.

To sit next to you.
To hold you.
To share a hankerchief. Soaked with the essence.
The essence of tears, of us.

Prospects of life.
Then there to be none.

I wait.
Here.
I wait.

Ripple

Come
Come play with me

Out here
on the edge.

Come
Dance with me
And I will grace you
with divine glee.

Let me ripple upon your soul.
Let me feel you inside
Dancing within my thoughts.

Come
Come play with me

Let me feel you
Taste you
Inside your mind

Let me tip toe
Within those darkest regions
Expose all that you want

and more what you don't.

Come
Come play with me.

Loathe

Oh how I loathe
the impetuous glee
Oh how I adore
the shattered
which was me
Taking all from within
and tossing out
for all to see

Oh how I loathe thee
Here
now
Never more
to know
never more
to say
I seethe within
these loins
Unrequited
and stupefied
Oh how I loathe
all that you
engorge
to bring this
to light
deep from
the core.
Heaving with
the lot of misfortune
Oh how I loathe you.

From the covers my eyes do peep.
The strain of light mixed with dark.

My body irked at the notion.
Of movement beyond the comfort.

A grumble and a snarky growl...
The morning dew does not drip.
Does not glisten
Oozes along the blades of grass.

The matter of which inhabits this skull
Tormented and sore.

No waking for the wicked
No joy for the blissful.

None.

The Cheery salutation of "Good Morn"
Scorches, like holy water upon the
leathery hide of satan himself.

With lack of sleep and a mood to befit
Good ol Henry himself, I turned myself around
and moved along the stairs
To return to the comfort
The comfort of
My eyes peeping from underneath,
Wrapping myself up in the misery of the week.

Slumber slumber to ease the evils.

And for the lack of coffee in this abode!

***
Hee heee....Ya so I was crabby what can I say. Few things on the agenda today. Nothing extremely noteworthy or overly exciting in nature.

I dance

I dance
Interwoven within the color
of your dreams
My silhouette
glides effortlessly across
your lids.
I dance.
In your mind.
Probing, inching myself forward,
plunging
deep
to your core.
My image
burned Inside
Captivating you
I dance
Ever so lightly
So close to the edge
Toes curl
pirouetting along the cliff.
Stirring your heart,
exalted gasps.
As I flutter
on the cusp.
I dance
I tempt
With in the color of your dreams
For you.

*art by lydibug at deviantart

Quiet eyes

quiet eyes
rest on quiet lies
seeking fortitude and
serene conquests.

amongst ruins
mine or yours

caverns run
run deep

over mountains made of
hills
silent small
tiny little hills

exploding out
drizzling the scape

quiet eyes
rest
within quiet lies

That Letter today

I wrote to you today, a letter sent
did you get it
Unsure of how it truly works
here in this world
of unknown.

I missed you today
here
the days are long
they are bright and sunny
if that it was
you dream

It's not the same here
almost feel lost

But not alone. Remember we would talk, about what it would be like?
It is almost dream like, waking up everyday, wondering if I am truly awake, or lost in some netherworld.
Until I realize you are not here, to wake up beside me.
Tis not a dream.

I wrote you a letter today
Did the sun peer in and wake you from your slumber?
Did the snow cover your world, and tuck you in?

Did you hear me laughing down the hall and then walk and remember I am not there.
That was me, my letter to you!
Did the bird catch your eye as you walked pass the door?
Did the colors engulf you and warm your heart?
I am sure you brushed it off
Being silly again.

I wrote you a letter today
So you'd know I am not far.
Still walking beside you
Drying your tears, hugging you close.
In desperation, leaving you moments of thought
however fleeting

Leaving them in moments of happiness
to remember all that is good
your mind is not playing
you are not going mad

I wrote you that letter today.

Jodi L Ouellette (c) 2008

I am aware...

Of your presence
You need not
Say a word

I can feel you

It's been a long time.
The years stretched
At times
They yawned.

Leading to
A time
This time
When the moment

Of knowing
You'd return

This space
Devoid

No one to leave
Them for
You ran away

From what
Is there an answer
A truth

I can feel you
Sitting
Wondering

Your presence
Pounds

I can feel you.

Evils of the Mind

The evil that dwells within. Devours, is mine and mine alone. That which has cast itself amongst all that is known. All that is loved.

A perception of the mind.
Intertwined within the words, hovers a life. An existence beyond all others...
And at times found wasted crumbled on the dirt path.
Breath in.
Breath out.
Dust floats and falls.
Floats and falls.

The mind, when in too deep, looking behind the crevices, is a dark, stank place. No words can label that which is and yet there it sits. With a sickening smile and chuckles.
Sipping from a glass made of souls. Damn him!

Although this part of the path only appears when a weakness settles to stay. One perceives it as this weakness. When all the strength cradles within leaps...
Leaps...no faith. No ...

Empty. And yet we carry ourselves through day in and day out. The smile glued upon the face, or is it that mask? New day, new face as the insides are devoured.
Ripping the bones from head to toe and managing a smile.

Thus the retreat back into where we are safe. No light, no air choking on the knowledge we choose and are not chosen.
And, accept it.

A semblance of a life.

Not afraid.
Not alone.

It just is.

You peered into my
being.

You wrote it for all to see.

Paced across
my vision
and yet you have no face.

Yet you stood
right there...
Right
there.

scribbles on paper
stolen from my mind

have i truly become
transparent?

that the essence of what
of who
just oozes out
onto your
paper?

that you have this uncanny
strange ability to reach in
and pull the strings
tying them in knots

almost feeling
the suffocation
whilst liberation

a sickening
awakening, stirs within

spilled out
pushed forth

dripping over the edge

all
every word

and somehow i missed you.

defined and dead

I

Hate

These walls.

Despise that
they

exist.

I sit
Within them.

Encased
On a shelf.
In warbled glass
Covered in putrid
film
cloudy
sticky
Labled.
Defined
and dead.
A mere
experiment.
Rotting
essence
of
my heart.

whisper

A wishful lull
in speech of a few.

Your silence buried
deep within
cutting

splintered
and wilted
your words drip

sliding off the page.

In all of your silence.

Gratification
delayed none.

whispered
bellowed

undulating into
the very being
lost in your words.

One's lull
another yearning
an escape
clouded
preened
to be

all pretty
and neat.

Whisper.

Come on

whisper.

Of Who...

In the absence of who
Lost in the what
wandering amongst the where
Concerned of when
Knowing
I am here
not there
Still
in the absence of
Me.


*My second Book title "In the Absence of Me" 

There is no mercy,
No unending devotion.

It speaks
Only to the one

The one inside.

Dried,cracked
Crumbled.

Left to one's
own.

Own endeavors.
Own accomplishmnts.

One's own mercy.

All of Which I do not own

The birds who sing so freely. The wind the caresses my skin.
The flower, even the dead of summer, blooming with all her hearts content. Coloring mine eyes.
The rustle of the leaves, the hum from a distant car.
And of course, my ever glowing, ever warming orange and yellow orb, who greets me every morn. Then lulls me to calm at the end of a day. Hissing and burning all the way down, her gold meeting with the blue of night.
All which encompasses me. All of which I possess.
All an inspiration.
To the coolness, the crispness of a wondrous fall morning. As the heat from my mug wafts up to my nose. And in that one moment,
I am inspired.
To rebirth come spring, and to be tucked into bed on a blistery windy winter eve.
As icicles weigh heavy on branches out my window, threatening to crush that existence. Yet I am inspired.

The giggles from another room.
To the clock clicking upon my wall.
The people within my reach. Within my wall. Throughout my life.

All here now.
Yet, I do not own.


All that engulfs me throughout a single day.
Even that which heaves.
Seethes within my very being...
Finds truth, brutal at times.
Thus possesses me.

Words. I possess. Deep with in. The gray matter filled at times. Overwhelmed.
Laced together to form a thought.
To form a moment.
Is all that I possess.
The moment, the turn, the reality in which I reside.
Is all that I possess, All that I am,
All that I was,
in turn inspires me.

To be a good person.
To be a good woman.
To be a good Mother.
To just be.
All of which I possess, and to that which possesses me...Shall forever inspire me.

Singleton?

Singleton?

I?

Me, myself and I view as more than just one. We are a whole, of all. Encompassing all that was, is and…

May.

I am a creature of many. Another may view as one, yet in truth, and unknown to the one inside.

She creeps,  she crawls, she breathes, and she gasps.

And she may

Just may…

Utter some vowels and some consonants.   At times.

Benign words in a benign world.  Unimportant to most.

Littered with malignant spew

 And Vulgar at best,  as some would say.

Truth, as I

Or me

Even myself would attest.

As one? Or as many?

 

Singleton?

Not I 

Pits

I am dying, everyday
reaching into the pits of hell
swimming breathlessly
to the top.

Hold your breath
Hold your breath

Gasping
As I surface
within my palm
a bloody heart
Undulating
gasping.
Spilling over.

Blood curdling
Screams
gut wrenching
heaving
bitter
taste
oozing
of hate
and desparation
of separation
No forward
No backward
stuck.


**Disclaimer....I am fine..do not be alarmed, just me and the darkness escaping to see the light...***

Can I have your heart

within my hands.

to feel again, to caress, to devour

just
one
more
time.

Shoulda........


turned around.


Woulda........



said I loved you.



Coulda.....


gone to infinity.

Another Mirror

Mirror Mirror
on the wall
Who do you see?
What shall I be?
A queen?
A vamp?
A genie in a lamp?
May be a princess
a woman with more
not less?
Mirror Mirror
on the wall
Why must you stall?
Reflect back to me
all the wishes
that be.